let values be your guide

let values be your guide. it is important in this life to know and to act on what we feel is important to us. A life driven by values is a life with direction, and direction is the feeling like we're moving somewhere, somewhere positive. if each day you can act on what you value then you can enrich your life, make it better, improve it. For instance I've been writing letters to friends some of who are nearly strangers, others good friends, but it is the act and the effort which i put into every letter that publishes what I value like a stamp; For Friendship. i write to you because i care to make stronger ties. i write to you because you can make my life rich, and I in turn (hopefully) can yours. I wish to have friends, and to be close to people. This is something I value.

Values can be all sorts of things, but a life driven by value is a life more satisfying, richer, and better for the one who seeks through its pathways.

some musings that might rock you, or not.

what is a mental illness?

>>> a diagnosis
>>> a label for a set of symptoms
>>> a chemical imbalance in the brain

What feels right to me is calling mental illness a chemical imbalance in the brain. Why? Because it takes the burden off of me. By calling it a chemical imbalance I'm not going to try and fix something that cannot be fixed except with medication. I'm told to say affirmations to myself. I'm told to journal. I'm told to think positively.

Does that stuff have any real bearing on me getting better?

Listen, everything that has worked for me is basically using coping skills when i become symptomatic, as a way of getting thrugh hard times (a kind of reprieve) until the symptoms abate. Coping skills are not about fixing you, because you have a chemical imbalance, and there's nothing you can do. Coping skills are designed to offer a reprieve through symptomatic times, so you don't combust, or something. In this respect they have great value, and the more you have the better off you are.

But let's be realistic here. If one coping skill is go hang out with your friends, or be around people you enjoy spending time with. That's a good thing. Certainly getting to know new people is an excellent method of improving your quality of life. More friends + More to do = more to enjoy. But, it doesn't change the underlying thing, that you have a mental illness, and it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Coping skills are valuable, but they are designed as a reprieve to spare you through the hard times, until at such time you gain back some stability.

So what can we do to recover?

Certainly it's a huge debate whether people recover, and there are factors that play out in making that possible. I for one know Work is a huge step.  I believe that work equates to: structure + purpose = recovery.

You can recover by getting a job, though I don't want to pick that apart, let's just say Work is Work, and it works, forgive me.

What else? I believe opening up to other people is another step in the way of recovery. Why exactly, maybe because it has a degree of acceptance that you find in other people. The fact that you can explain your situation, and they still love you and care is a moment that you feel with stinging acuity. Though it's a process of getting to the point where you are prepared to share, and doing it with the right people listening.

Other than that, i don't know. I don't believe philosophizing is a way to recovery. People say have a spiritual life, but I consider doing what I'm passionate about, and getting in line with what I value, perhaps a spiritual like pursuit in life. I don't ponder that much further.

Do we really ever recover though? I believe we do. It's not about trying to outman our illness, or get at the root and eradicate it. There's nothing to challenge but our own sanity through that. Recovery is found in a desire to recover by doing certain things, and no one really knows how you arrive at that point unfortunately. I can't tell you.

They say think positive. They say say affirmations. But I believe what you can do is try to get a job, try to make some friends, attempt to open up to people, and know your coping skills to get through the ruff stretches.

a note on this blog

i don't think this blog can go on unless I review coping skills, and get down with advocacy. i really don't have any fresh takes, and I don't know if there's any point being another mental illness self-help blog.

what i do know is: we need to start taking control of our lives, especially by doing little things that make us happy. philosophize all day long it get's no nowhere. so i want to stop giving advice. i want to hear from you. i want stories. i want to hear what you feel, and what you're doing with your life. I want to hear from you.

because i'm bored of me.

haha

some lyrics

i try to find help

but i can’t speak

about the help steps

i try to find peace

but my thoughts race

troubling states

cluttering waste

if the mind is a beautiful thing

why does it run me down?

what’s the purpose of a life

i can’t live

without a purpose

it gets too much

i can’t dwell

below the surface

if the mind is a beautiful thing

why must i hallucinate?

i try to cope

but i can’t handle

when voices come scrambled

i’m lost 

resist alien mind

at all costs

at all costs

at all costs

i’m sedated

sittin on the couch

bugged out

alone with my thoughts

i sit

desperate

did that shit... just

oh shit

shadows playing tricks

medicaid benefits

fanmail

I'm going to add a letter i recently wrote to professional soccer player, Fernando Torres.

• Conversation started Monday
• 
  

  3:58a

  
  

  To: Fernando Torres
  

  Hola Señor Torres. Mi llamo David. Yo empezo mirando futbol cuando tienia pocos anos… 

  It was some years after I grew up that I first heard of "El Nino." People talked about a new player who was young, skillful, and the toast of Spain. I admit I had no knowledge of your career until I began watching soccer again this year, but to my surprise, the person I heard whispers about all these years was apparently not doing well. I heard coverage of Chelsea matches, and read stories about how you were not in the graces of your fans, that your career was virtually over, and that you have been offered up to other clubs.

  Perhaps that's just the way of professional sports, that when you're down the people are on you, and when you're up they love you, but it didn't seem right to me.

  When I was 21 I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a form of mental illness that some people never recover from. I was told I would have put my dreams on hold, because the illness severely affects ones ability to function, handle stress, and make decisions. It has proved challenging living with my illness, and everyday I have to choose: to recover. Now this isn't going to be a letter about how it has made me stronger, it's about the person I am today and the things I've overcome, and where my journey has taken me.

  You see every journey takes a course which we can't predict. It's hardly ever a linear path to our peak, and then to greatness. Lives take strange and unpredictable courses, involve changes, and stray from the course which we'd have liked to stay on. With my illness I never could have imagined facing such a challenge, but even during the dark days I held on to hope that I would get better. My life is better today, but not perfect. I did by keeping hope alive, and following my passions like: writing, painting, skateboarding, studying etc.. it has given me confidence and strength to move forward, but it has not changed one fact: our lives are constantly moving in some direction, but not always where we want to be. But if we can stick to what we're passionate about, and what makes us feel good, then we have the answer.

  I don't know if your passion is futbol, but if it is, do it, and do it because it's what you want, and because it's what makes you feel good. Do it for your own health. It's a game people adore, and scrutinize til the last play, and I know people have questioned if your hearts in it, but that doesn't matter if your passionate about doing it, and playing it, because it's what makes you feel good… it doesn't matter what situation we find ourselves in. We can always play, and I can always write. Futbol will always be there, and if it's your passion, then you have something great and precious you should never let go of.

  I wish you best of luck 

keep a rational mind
find your inner strength
move forward...

if you're having trouble following through with plans... ASK A FRIEND TO KEEP YOU ACCOUNTABLE.