need a good rant...

I just want to post something about being alive. or feeling alive. now i know we've got a million little things keeping us from doing what we want in life. but shit, is it really just fear.. or lack of motivation. a million simple things like: not being able to sleep over, or going to a new place, or experiencing change. what are these little things doing getting in your way. they're causing symptoms. and symptoms are bad, as bad as it gets. and we would do anything to not have them, but we do. we have brain diseases. but what the hell we've got to live because we only get one shot. one shot. that's it. we've got to turn it on. we've got to turn it up. we've got to make something happen with our lives.

now i know we are unique in a couple respects. stress does funny things to our brains. depression keeps us sucking at the door for mercy. anxiety makes us want to jump off a cliff, or less dramatically just hide out and avoid situations. we're not well. but we can live. but we can! a little nudge and we're off...

we've got to remember that as we're leaning towards doing what makes us feel the most alive. to find where life lies, and where joy resides, we're going to have to look silly, out-of-place, and weird... let's say. we're going to have to have people look at us, say stuff to us "are you okay?", "what's the matter?" Maybe even want to avoid us, but yes, the thing is we're mentally ill yet we can get over the looks, the people, the feelings because if their is one objective fact in this entire world that should stand out: what other people think doesn't matter one bit in this universe.

Damn the people! Damn what they think. You're going to have to be somewhere and look silly, and strange, and weird, and out-of-place. But honestly what is that compared to getting closer to feeling alive. what is that? the anxiety rushes up, so reach out!!! so find that person that's going to grab you by the arms take you outside of the bar, and tell you repeatedly it's going to be ok. We're going to get through this together.

We need people around us like that. We need people to trust. We need people who care. We also need to let go off what they think, and look strange, out-of-place, and we're going to expect those awkward looks, and maybe some avoidance, but that's all. That's all that's going to happen, and the thing is you don't have to let it hurt you. That's hard. But you don't have to.

Let's get going, let's start living, let's start putting ourselves on the line.

But for what you might say? To suffer more? To get more symptomatic? No, because if you want to do something then by god you should be able to go do it, and whatever is in your way you got to go right through it. because joy is in feeling alive. and in feeling alive we find life. and the rest... is just a life with no regrets.