Boards of Canada's music has helped through the ruff times. So here it is. A stellar track. When my symptoms were at there worst I walked around everywhere with headphones and their album "The Campfire Headphase" playing. Sit back and relax. It's recovery noise. whut whut!

We lack the self control inside us, so what's happening outside of us is just a manifestation of the inner unruliness. Or something like that. God this is so true. I've heard it said that mental illness is just an internal build-up of problems over-time that have covered up, and diminished our true spirit. What's hopeful about this is we have the power to rid these problems from ourselves. There's so much work to do though. It's tough when you realize just how far you have to go. One day at a time.

introspect that sheeeitt

Introspection is hugely necessary to recovery. I MEAN IT. I don't think you can get anywhere without it. Now I used to say thought is like a wall to recovery. I believed that thought gets us nowhere, and that's a hard stance. In my case thought would not lead me in the direction of progression. It would only make things worse and more negative. It wasn't til I found enough stability that I began giving my thoughts the right direction. It started by basically taking the parenting approach. How would a parent treat their kid, and from that I went well they would encourage and support them unconditionally. Starting out when you're weak you need to start loving yourself as a parent would their kid. We are the lost and confused, but we're going to start giving ourselves the boost we need.

In the beginning I would remember a thought I had that day, write it down, then turn it around. Thought-changing is a basic idea in recovery circles, anyway that's where I started. I believe through the process of subjecting our thoughts to our inner parent we are able to change them for the better. This can become common practice. You can do this on the fly when a mean thought enters your brain. I prefer writing it down so I can cross out the old thought, and write a beautiful new true thought.

Of course introspection is not limited to thought changing, but it might be a good excecise to start with. Write out a thought, and summon up your inner wisdom and inner parent and change that thought around. Over time you can start looking over all the thoughts you've had and begin seeing trends, a good step to a self-inventory which their will be a lot to talk about later.

good luck yo!

VOLUNTEER YO!

I think I'll start updating this blog again. I don't know if anybody is out there reading this, and I don't really care, but I'm going to try to inform you on the subject of mental illness to the best of my ability.

I harp on work as the foundation of stability. Now I realize not everyone can work. If you can't, then I don't know what to say. In my case without work I get sucked into my emotions. I can feel shitty all day with nothing to pull me out of the dumps. I mean a phone call to someone is great, but when it's over if you're just going to hang out on the couch and stare out the window... biding your time til the next thing presents itself I think you're going to need help.

When to-do lists don't cut it what do you turn to? I could make all these little suggestions... like balance your life out. Apply attention to whatever is important to you, but still without a job you're going to get complacent. I would say the next best alternative to not working is volunteering. Yes.

If you can muster up the energy to to a google search and find out about a food pantry that'd be awesome. A soup kitchen. A red cross blood drive. etc...

So I guess my opinion on the issue of working is, if you can't work VOLUNTEER.